I am lucky enough to have a supervisor who will let me workout during our shift. I totally lacked the desire to go to the gym today but I went. I went and I did an hour of cardio. I am proud of me. I ate pretty good today too! I did have some fried okra but only a 1/2 cup.
The shock of actually weighing 200lbs has put me into a kinda funk. That plus working Midnight shift... I have never been this heavy without being pregnant. I am sad that I have let myself fall apart like this. I am embarassed that I eat instead of expressing my emotions. I am embarassed that I eat to such excess. I know what to eat. I know how much is too much but I still do it. Hopefully , I can work through my personal issues and make this work. My husband is nothing but supportive. He is okay with there being no junk food in the house and the healthier meals. He doesn't mind me going to the gym when I need to. I just had dumping all of my "baggage" onto him. He knows that work is hard. He knows that I am stressed. He knows that I am having family drama. But He doesn't get why it bothers me so much. I have a wicked need to fix everything... to help everyone..to make everything perfect. I don't adapt well to loss or failure and this year I have had a lot of both. My Mom had a severe stroke in the begining of the year and has been paralyzed ever since. My Dad has had tons of surgeries, Major surgeries, this year. Luckily he is a fighter and is doing fabulous. My Grandma may lose her home . Her home for longer than I have been alive and there seems to be no help for her. I loss my flight qualifications at work and it crushed me. I lost the best part of my job. I got in trouble at work over something silly and now I am under the microscope. I have switched to a whole new aircraft and I have to get requalified on a whole new airframe. It is frickin hard! I feel so clueless!! My Grandmother in law passed away. My Father in law got sick. My Brother in law got married on a whim and we weren't able to attend and I got deployed.
Life has been hectic and I haven't adapted well. But I am trying. I have to try. I must change because I cannot remain the person who I have become.
you are so not alone, I am sure there are so many people that feel the same as you. Life gets so hectic and it seems impossible to find the time to make healthy changes. I work from home and my job has me sitting from 9am-9pm and needless to say I continue to gain weight and I know my life is at risk yet I don't seem to make the necessary changes. I love your blog and hope you continue to write and most important I hope you reach your goals. Just remember to celebrate your small victories along the way. :)
ReplyDeleteDont give up!! I found you on TBC. Good luck
ReplyDelete